The thought of death

How do you cope with the thought of death?

God, heaven, eternal life. When I wasn't christian it gave me ocd or something. My twin brother died in the whomb. As a kid I was always looking for eternal life, but literal on earth and then around 12 I got some sort of ocd thing and if anyone random died anywhere on earth it was always my fault because I had to do hand movements and only take 4 steps in the hall, not 3, unlucky number, all that nonsense. I was terrified of death. It was also always my fault when I became christian, but then it was even worse because they started to talk about hell. I would walk out of the church service if they did that and go cry in the hall. Then I saw Ian McCormack. My brother translated his video. He got stung by box jelly fishes. He went night diving in South Africa. He was atheist. He was dying and nobody cared. Cab driver threw him out of his cab cause he had no money. Eventually he was in an ambulance. He saw his life flash before him. He saw his mother tell him as a kid if he ever was in trouble to pray from his heart. He thought: There are thousands of gods in Asia. Which one do I pray to? He said: if there is a God help me to pray. Oh and there was a voice talking to him to not get mad or the poison would kill him and such. So then he saw Bible texts from the our Father and he prayed that and he had to forgive those guys who made fun of him and let him die. Then he died and saw Jesus and he felt His love and forgiveness. He could chose if he wanted to go into heaven or return and he wanted to go in, but then he saw his mom and she would think he didn't go to heaven cause he was atheist, so he wanted to go back for her and he saw thousands of other people who would believe because of him. He was 45 mins dead or so and came back. And God told his mother when he was still alive: Your son Ian is nearly dead. Pray for him now.
So that was awesome. Problem fixed. Just pray that people get saved and go to heaven. But then you get unbelief and accusations. We had a politician who wasn't christian who got killed and I was in Canada, so I felt guilty. I didn't know. I hadn't prayed for him. I think because my brother died it was just always my fault. And a year later I heard God told an evangelist to pray for him 4 hours and then God said it was good and he stopped, put on the tv and saw he had been shot. He just had to pray him into heaven. So luckily I'm not the only person on earth who can pray. God is in control. That's how I deal with it.

At work I always had luch with 3 girls and a guy and one evening I had to pray for someone from work. I always prayed for em all, their family. God put it on my heart to pray for someone from the office. Didn't know who. Prayed for hours. I thought someone's grandma was dying. Next day I hear that guy was dead. Later I heard it was suicide and he shot himself. He wasn't christian. He had make jokes about me going to church, but he was a great guy. That other woman said oh he went to heaven and I thought I hope so but I wasn't sure and I blocked him from my thoughts. 2 years later I had a dream. He wore green new pants, new clothes. We were having lunch. He came walk up to our group. He was very happy. I held his hand and I cried. I said: I thought you were dead. Why didn't anyone tell me you were still alive? He said he became a christian 2 years ago. Woke up. Looked in my old workagenda. This was before phones and internet. It was exactly 2 years ago to the exact day that he had died.

Denial. I'm still hoping biotech can achieve immortality in few decades.